6 tips from a Millennial to Gen Z on How to Have a Great Time as a Wedding Invitee

I’m 31 years old. Since I’ve been an “adult” I’ve probably been to 25 or more weddings, that is, weddings I’ve been invited to and attended independently of my parents or family. The sheer number has a lot to do with the size of my family. I’m sure some folks have been to more. Most have probably been to fewer. I’m not trying to brag. I’ve been very lucky. What I am trying to say is that I have some experience. Experience you can benefit from. Because while it isn’t hard to be a great wedding guest, it isn’t something they teach you in school.

By the time you learn how to “wedding” you are probably past the years of your life where weddings are ultra-common. Which is a shame. Because once you learn how to wedding, these big parties can be some of the most fun days of your 20s.

So I compiled a list of best wedding advice specifically designed for people in their 20s facing the beginning of wedding season. The list is designed for those of you who are single, dating, or recently married but without kids. Following these tips and tricks will help you have a blast on wedding day.

Before the tips, Here is your wedding packing list:

1. An outfit that makes you look like a grown up
2. Nice shoes
3. $20 in singles

4. A card, purchased ahead of time, with a check, written to a single person of the couple

5. (optional) a cooler with drinks

6. (for out of town weddings) shorts and a tee shirt to travel in, and to sleep in at the hotel.

Caveat 1: This list is neither exhaustive, nor universal. Weddings are different. Sometimes its not appropriate to take your own pictures. Sometimes there isn’t an open bar. Rule number 1 is always: this isn’t about you. It is about the couple (and oftentimes the parents, who paid for the whole thing.)

Caveat 2: sometimes I use heteronormative language. This advice applies equally to any wedding, regardless of the sex, gender, or orientation of the couple.

That being said: let’s get to what you came here for. 6 tips for having a blast as a wedding invitee.

1. RSVP

2. Dress nicely

3.Plan for the gap

4. Give a card, with a check (no venmo)

5. Bring cash. Tip the bartender, order simple drinks

6. Take pictures

1. RSVP

RSVP. Get the card in the mail. You will need stamps for this. You can buy stamps at walgreens, Costco, most grocery stores, or the post office. Keep some stamps around your house. Throw them in the everything drawer in your apartment. When you get your invite, get it back to the couple ASAP. They need to report numbers to the venue and caterer.

Do not text your RSVP. Do not call your RSVP. Fill out the RSVP, and put it in the mail.

If the couple has a website, RSVP that way.

Some notes. If the wedding is out of town, typically the couple will have booked a block of rooms at a hotel. Get a room in their block of rooms. You’ll want to be around all the people who also traveled. That is where the party is. Don’t try and go cheap and stay somewhere else. Be where the action is. It is also likely where the bus / shuttle will be to take you to and from the venue. Book the hotel room ASAP. The block of rooms is typically only reserved for so long before getting released. If you can’t afford the hotel room, see if you can get with some friends to defray costs. If you absolutely can’t afford it, consider whether you can afford to go to the wedding at all.

It is ok to say no to some weddings if you can’t afford it. However, if you have been invited to be in the wedding, you might want to consider what that will mean to your relationship. If you aren’t in the bridal party, chances are its ok for you to say “no.”

2. Attire

You want to dress nicely. You want to reflect your best self. For me, that means dressing like a grown up who has a successful career. Maybe you are a poet or an artist and have an aesthetic. That’s great. If you are like the rest of us plebes, stick to these basic rules.

You can’t go wrong with a jacket and tie. Suit separates are absolutely ok. I’d avoid the khaki and blue blazer if you can. Also avoid the solid bright red satin finish shirt, and the black shirt black jacket gold tie. It is a wedding, not junior prom. Summer weddings are great times for tan jackets, light grey, or royal blue.

For a slightly more casual but still professional look, I prefer “jacket no tie” over “tie no jacket” — “tie no jacket” makes you look like someone’s kid brother. I see a lot of successful career people ditching the tie, but keeping the jacket. Tie without a jacket not so much. Avoid crazy or funny ties as well. Again, it’s a wedding.

Be careful with vests. Photographers wear vest because they are moving around all day. Don’t look like the photog. If you know what you are doing with vests though, be my guest. But you better know what you are doing.

Don’t wear jeans. Tuck in your shirt. Don’t be afraid to ask what color suit the groomsmen are wearing, and what color the dresses the bridesmaids are wearing so you don’t look like you are in the bridal party. You are a grown up, its ok to ask now.

Wear nice shoes.

Sperrys are not nice shoes. If you are at a loss, get some Cole Haan or Florsheim oxfords. I like to keep it simple, no wingtips or fancy broguing. Because I’m very basic, and risk averse. Just my advice, if you don’t know what you are doing, keep it simple.

3. Plan for the gap

Weddings come in a number of typical time slots.

The two most common are: (1) early ceremony, late reception; and (2) late ceremony late reception.

(1) early ceremony late reception.

An early ceremony followed by a late reception allows the bridal party to take pictures. This creates a gap in activities. Older folks and folks with kids use this gap to head home, drop the kids off, change if they need to, get lunch etc.

We are in our 20s. We do not head home. We go for gap beers.

Gap beers are a glorious wedding tradition. Possibly my favorite. After the ceremony, the young people without kids and the cool uncles go to a local bar, preferably near the reception venue, for drinks. Gap beers require some level of planning. If you are going to have a large party, you may need to reach out to the bar ahead of time and let them know you’ll have a larger group.

The week of the wedding, hit up others who are not in the bridal party and select a location. Take charge. Everyone wants gap beers, and no one wants to miss out on the location details. After the ceremony as people are milling, feel free to invite folks from out of town who look like they might be in for the fun. All are welcome at gap beers.

Do not get trashed during gap beers. Your goal is to show up to the reception feeling good, not being a shit show.

(2) late ceremony, late reception.

For late ceremonies, you have a number of options. One classy move is to host some people at your place before the ceremony. Have some drinks on hand, but invite folks to bring a small soft sided color. Have a drink or two before taking a group uber to the ceremony. Bonus, when the reception ends, you can host the after party. Or head to the bars. Going to the bar after the reception is over is a tradition for the singles. The couple may or may not join. But many great stories happen at the bars, after the reception. Don’t miss that train.

At an out of town wedding, if all else fails, head to the hotel bar an hour and a half before the ceremony starts. Chances are you’ll find a drinking buddy. A pro move is to bring a cooler and have drinks in your hotel room. Invite other out of town guests staying on the hotel floor to join. Having a drink or two BEFORE the ceremony is a lot of fun and makes the ceremony more fun. Do not show up to the ceremony trashed.

The rule of thumb for planning for the gap is: have a plan, and don’t get too drunk.

4. Gifts: money is king. Write a check.

Get a card before the wedding (or during the gap if you are a procrastinator) write a check, bring to the reception. Write a nice little note. There will be a basket at the reception. You can drop it in there. A check and card is classy. They’ll open it the next day. A check means its easier for them to track and write thank you notes.

I know you are poor. If you are poor, still try and give $50 a head (that means $100 if you bring a date). Shoot for $75 a head. If you can. $100 is better. Your goal is to at least cover the cost of your plate. Your plate is probably between $50–75 at standard venues. They can be much more expensive.

I know. It is steep. It is a lot. Weddings are expensive. You’ll learn when you have yours.

Don’t venmo the couple. The bride or groom and their parents probably won’t like it, so write a damn check and get a card. Be a grown up.

I always write a check directly to the person who invited me. If it is a bride, I write it to her maiden name. Cashing checks right after a wedding can be tricky. Don’t write it to both of them. I know it seems tacky, and you want to include both, but trust me, it’ll make their lives easier. You can put “the happy couple” in the memo line of the check.

5. Being an open bar hero:

Try to bring $20 bucks in singles when you are going to a wedding with an open bar. Make sure you have cash. I know you are Gen Z and don’t deal with cash. But open bars require cash. So get cash, and have singles.

Just because it is an open bar doesn’t mean you don’t have to tip. You absolutely do have to tip. Some weddings won’t have a tip jar. You are probably still allowed to tip the bartender. And you should. You should tip $1 / drink. If you get you and your date a drink, thats $2 dollars.

Drop $5 on your first time through and hope they see it. The bartender is your friend. Take care of them.

What to order at the open bar:

You have three options:

1) beer
2) wine
3) two ingredient cocktails

What is a two ingredient cocktail?

Rum and coke. Vodka soda. Whiskey and water. Seven and Seven. You are not allowed to order “old fashioneds” and other such items. Everyone will hate you.

When it comes to open bar strategy, I prefer to keep it simple and consistent. This isn’t a rule, this is just advice: Pick your drink and stick to it. Don’t deviate. Don’t try to go around the wall with liquor. Don’t decide to try scotch for the first time. Don’t mix wine and beer and liquor. Drink water. Eat some of your food. Dance frequently.

The open bar is your friend, but its your friend from college who can get you in a lot of trouble. And if you puke at someone’s wedding, you are the center of attention. Don’t be the center of attention.

6. Take Pictures

Try to get a good picture of the bride and groom. Not during the ceremony. During the reception. Don’t have your phone out like a jackass during the ceremony. Certainly don’t have your big dumb iPad out like some tourist or over-anxious father. Text the picture directly to the couple.

If you are dating someone, take lots of your own pictures of you and your SO. You look nice, you got dressed up, take lots of pictures. Not selfies, have your friend take nice, waist up pictures for your socials.

Take pictures, and put it on the socials the next day. The bride and groom won’t get their pictures for weeks. Everyone wants to be the center of attention. They’ll appreciate you posting fun, nice pictures of their wedding when they wake up on Sunday.

To wrap it up: this is a fun time of your life. Weddings will happen frequently. You may be invited to a lot. You may not be invited to any. That is ok! They will be the source of drama, stories, and memories for your friends. They will provide lots of your pictures from your 20s.

So enjoy it! They are big parties.

But try to dress as nicely as you can. Realize that weddings are EXPENSIVE, for the bride and groom but also for YOU, and you can’t be cheap. You have to tip the bartender, you have to give gifts. It’s the rule.

Bridal showers, bachelor parties, all of it are going to add up. Weddings are expensive for the friends. Sorry. That’s the game. Be prepared.

And lastly: be an open bar hero. Keep your drink orders short, and don’t puke.

Happy wedding season all! Good luck Gen Z!